A Letter to Jam..

Dear Jam,

I'm not feeling very well today. This past few days I've been living hell here on earth and I don't know when will it stop. My life is a mess I guess it all started when I was born. I guess I really was't meant to be living at all. I'm just a huge mistake. I wasn't born out of love like you normal people do. I never had parents. Funny, when I was at grade school I bragged about me being independent and needed no one at all to go on living my life. Same thing happened at my early highschool years. 'Til it strucked me, I'm missing something, something I really longed for since I was a kid. Of course I had someone watched over me, hell I never was treated a child, a son. I never felt how it feels like having someone to guide you all through out. I was smart, I am smart! I never fell out of our school's top ranking students, grade school that is. Highschool? I tasted fun, and got addicted to it, leaving all the important things behind. I said I was smart and I am! I graduated highschool effortlessly. College? My first real taste of freedom. Living miles away from the people who treated me like a slave, like a dog. Learned about bad things that I thought was nice, worth trying, and I tried them, and I couldn't stop. Ignored the fact, though I know, that I was being lured by evil to its very depths. He succeded. Now I'm all alone, left in this unknown cold, dark, eerie, scary place. But still I'm struggling, fighting my way back to where I should be. I guess its too late because every time I emerge on top and start my journey all over again, I always end up at the wrong path, back to the darkness. I dont know, I'm close to giving up. Maybe I really don't want to leave this place, maybe deep inside me I've grown to love this place. Maybe the the truth is, I find comfort and warmth in this dark cold solitude. As I go deeper to where I am. I keep on blaming a lot of people. But in the end.. I end up blaming no one but myself.. And it came up to me just now.. I am not smart.. I am the most stupid being alive.. Its just my illusion, I am smart.. The existence of my entity alone is a sin.. Maybe I was really born to be evil.. I don't know.. I don't know..

-En-en

P.S. Send my regards to Scarlet..